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<h1>22</h1>
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<p><em>August 2. 4pm:</em></p>
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<p>Billy raised the air pistol from seven yards away, sighted down
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the barrel. He squeezed the trigger and the gun coughed a sound
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like a thin branch breaking. The slug smacked Doug in the left
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buttock and he let out a howl, more of surprise than pain.</p>
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<p>"Great shot from dead-eye Harrison" Billy bragged. "Runs in the
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family." They'd been firing at the can again, trying to knock it
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off the rock, taking shots each while the potatoes and carrots
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boiled in the blackened pot. Billy and Doug had been niggling each
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other as usual and when the can tumbled from the stone, moved by a
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chance eddy of wind and not by any sharp shooting, Doug bent to
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re-set it. Billy aimed and fired at his skinny buttocks then
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laughed like a donkey while Doug did a skittery little dance.</p>
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<p>"Christ sake," Doug said angrily. "Would you get a grip of
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yourself, you crazy fucker." He was rubbing the patched seat of his
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old jeans. "Swear to god, you should be in special school for
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<em>retardos</em>, you loony."</p>
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<p>"First kill to the Commandos," Billy crowed. Corky looked at him
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sideways. Billy was jumping up and down, the airgun heavy, black
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and sharp-edged like a German Luger clenched in his hand. Even with
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the spring slack and useless, he should never have fired the gun at
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anybody, they all knew that. It was one of the rules.</p>
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<p>"That's enough," Corky said. "Give me that before you put
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somebody's eye out." He held out his hand towards Billy.</p>
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<p>"It's not yours."</p>
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<p>"No, it's my brother's, and that makes it mine for now."</p>
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<p>"And he stole it from somebody, didn't he?" Billy's voice was
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rising. "So it's not his."</p>
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<p>Doug picked up a stone and lobbed it at Billy with a quick
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overarm flick. It hit him on the knee with a resounding crack.
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Billy dropped the gun and started hopping around on one foot,
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holding his knee with both hands and howling loudly. Corky snatched
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the pistol up from the ground and jammed the barrel into his
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pocket.</p>
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<p>"Serves you right, fatso" Doug jeered. "That's the brave
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commando wounded. <em>Hopping</em> wounded, and crying like a
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baby."</p>
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<p>"I'll get you for that," Billy bellowed, trying gingerly to put
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his foot down.</p>
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<p>"You and your old man, eh? The big <em>war</em> hero?"</p>
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<p>"You leave him out of it <em>Bugsylugs</em>." Billy said through
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clenched teeth and the pair of them were off again. "He did more
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than your old man, that's for sure. Fought the Japs <em>and</em>
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Jerries."</p>
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<p>"So how come mine's got medals?" Doug demanded, grinning
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toothily. "Real medals." His ears had gone bright red again which
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was a sure indicator of his excitement and anger.</p>
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<p>"My Dad won dozens of them," Billy retorted, still rubbing his
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knee, his face now as red as Doug's ears. "That's what my Mam says
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and you better not be calling her a liar if you know what's good
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for you. My Dad was a hero in the war."</p>
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<p>"That's where you're wrong," Doug countered, his lip curling now
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into a sneer. "A hundred percent dead wrong on that."</p>
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<p>Danny came wandering up from the stream, only half listening to
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the bickering voices. Doug and Billy were always at it, rubbing
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each other's fur up the wrong way. Next minute they'd usually have
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their arms round each other's shoulders, just like last time,
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digging each other in the ribs. They both had short fuses, but
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generally, as compensation they had even shorter spans of
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concentration.</p>
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<p>"What are they on about now?" he asked innocently.</p>
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<p>"Just telling this fat bastard his old man couldn't have died in
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the war," Doug snorted.</p>
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<p>Everybody froze.</p>
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<p>"Come on, Doug...." Corky broke in. His voice trailed away.</p>
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<p>"What do you mean?" Billy finally asked. His voice had gone
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cold.</p>
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<p>"Think about it, stupid-features. Can't you count?"</p>
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<p>" 'course I can count. And multiply and subtract. Better than
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you any day of the week, <em>Bugs.</em>"</p>
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<p>"That should make it easy for you, then." Doug's face was red
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and his lips drawn back from his big rabbit teeth in an angry
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snarl. Danny had never seen him look so much out of control and
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suddenly he knew with absolute certainty that Doug was going to let
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it slip; say what everybody except Billy himself knew as a
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fact.</p>
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<p>"Okay. Try this one," Doug's voice was all tight and grating.
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"See if you can do it in that thick skull of yours. Mental
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arithmetic, if you <em>can</em> that is." Doug stopped. Corky took
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a step forward, trying to get in between them. Both Billy and Doug
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each held up a forestalling hand, telling him to keep out of it,
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that this was between the two of them, something they could sort
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out without interference. Corky looked at Danny, eyebrows raised in
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question, but there was nothing Danny could say. Everybody teetered
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on the sharp edge of the moment.</p>
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<p>"When were you born," Doug demanded. "What year?"</p>
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<p>"Nineteen fifty two. Same as you, why? You forget?"</p>
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<p>"And when did the war end?" Doug kept it going.</p>
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<p>"Nineteen forty five. Everybody knows that."</p>
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<p>"And your old man died in the war! Seven years before you were
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born? Has nobody told you the facts of life?"</p>
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<p>"Stone the crows," Corky whispered, shaking his head.</p>
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<p>Billy stood there, fists clenched, lips just forming around his
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reply. His mouth tried to work, but no sound came out. Danny and
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Corky held their breath. Doug stood stock still, eyes wide, hands
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trembling. They could see Billy's mind, not especially fast at the
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best of times, but he wasn't stupid either, seizing the problem and
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working it over.</p>
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<p>The silence stretched a few seconds longer. Finally Billy
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spoke.</p>
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<p>"That doesn't mean..." he floundered to a stop, tried again.
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"Just because he...." The three of them on the sidelines could see
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that Billy had never really considered this glaring anomaly, or if
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he had, he had slung it to the back of his mind. Everybody in
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Corrieside knew that Maggie Harrison had got pregnant to a big
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American sailor from the NATO Base at Dunoon, from whom Billy had
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inherited his thick blue-black hair and his height. The Yank had
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finished his tour of duty and gone back to Arkansas and never
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written once.</p>
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<p>Billy backed away from them and almost knocked Tom over.</p>
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<p>"That's pure <em>shite</em>. It's all a load of crap." Real
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distress twisted his face. "I mean he was in the Commandos..." His
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voice sounded as if it was cracking. "And he fought the Japs and
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all."</p>
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<p>Doug stood facing him, anger still suffusing his face. "Did he
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hell."</p>
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<p>"That's enough Doug," Corky said quietly. "Quit it
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<em>now.</em>"</p>
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<p>"Well he shouldn't have called me that. He's always going on and
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on and he shouldn't have shot me either. It's about time he wizened
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up. Somebody should wring his bloody neck. He's always bumming and
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bragging as if he's better than the rest of us. He thinks he's a
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big shot."</p>
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<p>"Bigger than you are, you ragged bag of bones. And better."
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Billy was obviously still trying to digest the enormous truth of
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it, but his temper was still up and fighting. "At least my mother
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feeds me. Not like yours."</p>
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<p>"Stop them Corky," Danny said, almost pleading. "This isn't any
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good." He could see it coming, rushing towards them like the great
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truth express, nobody at the brake. There were no real secrets in
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the street in Corrieside where they all lived.</p>
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<p>"And at least my mother buys me decent clothes," Billy snarled.
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"Not rags like you get to wear all the time. You're like a tinker.
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She dresses me proper."</p>
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<p>"From the money your <em>uncles</em> give her? Some uncles.
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Uncles my <em>arse!</em>"</p>
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<p>"Jeez Doug, quit it." Danny begged in a futile attempt to
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prevent the head-on crash.</p>
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<p>"Don't you start on my mother, Doug Nicol. Don't you bloody
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dare." Billy took two steps forward and raised his fist. Doug
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flinched back. The anger and fear was evident in his eyes and in
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the tightness of his voice and the taught hunch of his
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shoulders.</p>
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<p>"Well it's true," he insisted. "You've got more uncles than I've
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had hot dinners."</p>
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<p>"And what about your mother? Eh? Tell me that?"</p>
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<p>Danny put his head in his hands. Corky stood transfixed. He held
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both of his hands up, like a referee in a boxing ring trying to
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keep the protagonists apart. But they were like fighting cocks now,
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angry roosters. They didn't even seem to notice his presence.</p>
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<p>"Why is your old man in Toronto? And how come your wee brother's
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got ginger hair and freckles? Everybody else knows why."</p>
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<p>"What are you trying to say?"</p>
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<p>"Because he isn't your brother at all. Everybody knows about
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your Mam and that tallyman from the Housemarket Company, the one
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that used to come round for the money on a Friday. That's why your
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Da's gone to Canada. He's too ashamed to show his face in the
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town."</p>
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<p>Billy's words hit like blows, worse than blows. Doug reeled
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back. The others could see his mind working the way Billy's had
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done. His big teeth were clenched together hard enough to crack. A
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spittle dribbled from his lip.</p>
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<p>"That's not true," he finally gabbled, spitting the words out
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like bullets. "You're a fuckin' liar. You're just a big fuckin'
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<em>bastard.</em></p>
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<p>But they could all see the dawning realisation on his face. The
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signs that he'd missed. His father's withdrawn silence, the raised
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voices in the living room late at night. The sounds of crying in
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the dark. And little Terry, red-haired and freckled, a dozen years
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his junior.</p>
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<p>His mouth opened and closed, much as Billy's had done.</p>
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<p>Corky moved right between them.</p>
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<p>"That's enough," he said flatly.</p>
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<p>"Piss off, Corcoran," Billy snarled. He tried to shove past him.
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"I'm not finished with that <em>bugsy</em> bastard."</p>
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<p>"Yes you are " Corky told him in a soft voice that had suddenly
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gone very cold. He was a head shorter than Billy, but he stood with
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his feet planted apart and his back straight, body all set. Danny
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could sense that Corky knew he should have stepped in before, but
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hadn't known how. The moment had gone too quickly. Now Corky looked
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Billy straight in the eye, his own green-brown eyes bright and
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unblinking.</p>
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<p>"It's finished." Danny could sense the quiet threat there. Billy
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was too far gone to hear it. He pushed at Corky's shoulder and the
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other boy simply held himself tight, not letting himself be moved.
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Doug's skinny chest was heaving with anger.</p>
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<p>"It's over," Corky said. "I mean it." He took a hold of Billy's
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hand and dragged it down from his shoulder. He stared into the
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bigger boy's eyes for a long moment, forcing him to back down.
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Corky had that ability. He held the gaze until Billy dropped his
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and for a while before Billy conceded Danny thought he might even
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try to have a go at Corky. Finally he took a step backwards and
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Corky then turned to Doug.</p>
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<p>"What are we trying to do? Kill ourselves? Haven't we all got
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enough problems?"</p>
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<hr />
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<p>The man watched them coming back to the camp. The boys stopped
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up on the narrow gully side where a rivulet had cut the ground into
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a deep and narrow chasm. They were out of sight round a dog-leg
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bend, but he could hear them yelling gleefully, the way they had
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when they had swum in the backed-up pool. Every now and again, one
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of them would yell <em>bombs away</em> and the rest of them would
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whoop and cheer. He could hear the heavy thuds of something falling
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on to the shale. After a while, they came on down the shoulder of
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the hill where the two streams met, carefully negotiating the
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narrow rocky point to descend into the valley. The biggest boy was
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in the lead, holding his long stick over his head. The bones of the
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ram's skull were stark white against the grey of the rock. He sat
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quietly, stock still, in the shadow of the hollow where the setting
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sun could not pick him out. One of the boys stopped dead and looked
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across the valley, seeming to look right into his eyes. He held the
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pose for ten seconds, maybe more, raised his hand over his brow to
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cut out the light. The man leaned further back into the shadows.
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The boy shook his head and continued down the ridge.</p>
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<p>They arrived at the tent and the dark haired boy clambered into
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the natural amphitheatre below the steep face and spent several
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minutes fixing the sheep's skull into the hawthorn branches beside
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the deer's head and the pointed heron's beak. This done, he did a
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little Indian dance, and his whooping shouts echoed from the valley
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sides. The man watched, interest quickened. The flies erupted from
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the stag's face in a visible cloud, disturbed by the death
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dance.</p>
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<p>The others lit the fire and the thin one balanced the blackened
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pot on the stones surrounding the flames. The sky was clear except
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for some long, pink clouds way out to the west, far beyond
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Blackwood Farm. The moon would be full tonight, pale and yawning.
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He watched them for a while more until he was satisfied that they
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would be here for the night and then, very slowly, he eased back
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into the bracken and silently followed the sheep track back up the
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hill.</p>
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<p>At Blackwood Farm he ate some more of the dry meat and finished
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the hard bread. There were some jars in the pantry with fruit in
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syrup and there were eggs in the coop. He ate them in silence,
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listening to the buzzing of the flies as they whirled around the
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woman. The smell was thick and choking, but he was used to that. He
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had <em>got</em> used to that. When he finished eating, he went out
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to the manure heap and talked to the head. It buzzed back at him
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incomprehensibly. After a while, the moon rose and Conboy whispered
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to him from a velvet sky.</p>
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<hr />
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<p>It had been a magical day right up until the fight and then the
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magic had snuffed right out.</p>
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<p>They had borne the bombs back to the camp on the plank litter,
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carrying three of them, taking turns as pall-bearers and Billy
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trying to avoid his share of the work by claiming to be standard
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bearer. It took them two hours to get back, though the going,
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downstream when they got past the smelly and stagnant bog, was much
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easier than the trip up to the Dummy Village. They had been elated
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and excited with their find, their own discovery of the fabled
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place. The fact that it was dilapidated and derelict had done
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nothing to diminish their sense of discovery and achievement, or
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detract from its fabled status. On the way back to the camp, they
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had agreed to start out as early as they could the next morning so
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they could explore the whole of it, right to the far end of the
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blasted moorland. Tom had said he'd rather go home, but again he
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was outvoted and he went along with it. It was a long walk back
|
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home and he didn't want to travel over the hill and down the other
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valley on his own, and besides, if he arrived without them, his
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mother would know he hadn't been with the scouts and he'd have hell
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to pay. Tom's mother was living on the edge of her own grief. She
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could not use any more. Apart from that consideration for his
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mother, and it was a real one in Tom's mind, the trees were thick
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and crowded and anybody could get lost on their own if they didn't
|
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know the place so well.</p>
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<p>They followed the lip of the valley where sheep had worn a
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beaten track through the turf, staying up on the far side until
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they came level with the camp on the ridge which separated the
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stream from the tributary. Doug and Corky let down the plank with
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the three bombs and rubbed the stiffness out of their hands. Billy
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stuck his stave in the turf, letting the ram's skull gaze out over
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the gully.</p>
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<p>"Let's try them now," he said.</p>
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<p>"They won't work," Doug said. "If they'd have worked, they'd
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have gone off when they fell."</p>
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<p>"You don't know that," Billy countered. "We could at least try
|
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one, and if it works, we could sell the others for a fortune."</p>
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<p>"Who'd buy bombs?" Danny asked.</p>
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<p>"The army, for one," Billy avowed. "Their bomb disposal squad
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take them away and defuses them. And gangsters. They could use them
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to blow up bank safes."</p>
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<p>Doug laughed derisively at the notion, but Billy ignored him. He
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bent down and unwound the rusty wire which had strapped the nearest
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bomb to the plank. He worked at it, twisting the thin metal back
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and forth until it weakened and broke. The bomb slid free and began
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to roll down into the chasm. Billy lunged and stopped it with his
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foot. He grabbed the tail fin and hauled it back up, managed to
|
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lift it from the ground and raised it above his head. For a moment
|
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he looked as if he was making an offering to an unseen god on
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high.</p>
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<p>"What if it does go off?" Danny asked.</p>
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<p>"It'll go bang," Doug said. Danny looked at him. There was a
|
|
moment's silence while Billy still stood with the bomb held over
|
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his head and then everybody just fell about laughing.</p>
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<p>"Of course it'll go bang," Danny said when he got his breath
|
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back. Billy was trying to keep the heavy weight up, but the
|
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laughter had taken all the strength from his arms. He was giggling
|
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uncontrollably.</p>
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<p>"But won't it be dangerous?"</p>
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<p>They had all seen bombs explode in films. They went off like
|
|
enormous firecrackers. People threw their hands up and somersaulted
|
|
into the air. There was always a flash and a lot of dust thrown up
|
|
in a black cloud. In Billy's Commando comics, the bombed Nazis
|
|
cried <em>Himmel</em> and <em>Donner Und Blitzen</em>. They put
|
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their hands up in the air and were marched off as prisoners of
|
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war.</p>
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<p>"No," Doug assured him. "It'll be great."</p>
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<p>"I think we should move back a bit."</p>
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<p>"What for?"</p>
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<p>By now Billy's arms were sagging. He tried to hold the weight,
|
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but failed. The bomb tumbled out. Doug tried to grab it but only
|
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succeeded pushing it to the left. It thudded against Billy's thigh.
|
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Billy howled like a banshee. The bomb tumbled, hit the ground right
|
|
at the edge of the ridge, landing tail first. For a second it
|
|
seemed to balance on its own, like a miniature space rocket,
|
|
teetering on the edge, and then it slipped over. Billy was still
|
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bawling and cursing Doug who was trying to explain that it was an
|
|
accident. The others watched the bomb roll down the steep few feet
|
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of shale where the edge had eroded away. Below that there was a
|
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ledge of mudstone which stuck out two or three feet and overhung
|
|
the much steeper drop to the trickling rivulet meandering through
|
|
tumble of water-smoothed boulders below. It skidded down the shale,
|
|
rolled on the ledge and paused again as if considering the next
|
|
move.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"I'll get you for that," Billy was promising Doug.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"It's going," Corky said, voice rising.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"I think we better get back up," Tom advised, now apprehensive.
|
|
The bomb flipped over and then it dropped. Billy caught the motion
|
|
out of the corner of his eye and his cursing stopped. Everybody
|
|
turned to watch. The black shape fell. It rolled several feet and
|
|
then seemed to flip up and out. The tail fins wobbled and then the
|
|
thing plummeted straight down.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"I'm getting out of here," Tom yelled. He turned and headed up
|
|
the slope of the ridge, but his eyes were still glued to the bomb.
|
|
His heels treaded at the slope, digging the shale away in small
|
|
grooves, going nowhere.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Nobody else moved or said a word. They watched as the bomb went
|
|
plummeting. Its fall took only a few seconds and for an instant,
|
|
from up on the edge, it looked as if it would slam straight onto
|
|
the rocks below. It missed by a good twenty feet and thumped onto
|
|
the soft gravel with an almost silent thud. A cloud of dry dust and
|
|
sand spewed up, leaving a small, shallow crater from which the
|
|
bomb's tail stuck up straight in the centre.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Damn and blast," Doug said.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Damn and no blast," Billy corrected. "It didn't even go off.
|
|
Must be a dud."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Tom breathed out slowly, relief written all over his thin,
|
|
freckled face.</p>
|
|
<hr />
|
|
<p>"There's somebody here," Danny said later when they were heating
|
|
the can of soup on the fire. "I'm sure of it. I thought I saw
|
|
somebody in the bushes from up on the side when we were coming back
|
|
from the village."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Me too," Tom agreed. "Honest. When we were collecting
|
|
wood."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"That's just your imagination," Billy said dismissively. His
|
|
face was still tight with emotion.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"What if it's a guard?" Doug said. "Somebody from the Dummy
|
|
Village. Maybe he saw us taking the bombs. We could get into big
|
|
trouble."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"If there had been a guard he'd have kicked our arses and chased
|
|
us," Corky said. "But there was nobody up there, unless there was a
|
|
tinker sleeping rough. Can't see anybody staying up here, though,
|
|
can you?"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"I still think there's somebody here," Danny said. "It gives me
|
|
the creeps."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>They had all calmed down to an uneasy truce after Billy and
|
|
Doug's dreadful confrontation. That had been hours ago and still
|
|
neither of them would look each other in the eye. The whole
|
|
campsite was tense with the undercurrent of conflict. It had not
|
|
gone away. It pulled and tugged at them with its own gravity. Billy
|
|
and Doug needed to get away from each other, to get away from
|
|
everybody. They had momentous things to consider. But it had been
|
|
too late. Corky had used the force of his personality to cap it
|
|
all, but it had been too late. The sizzling, almost palpable
|
|
tension sparked from one to another.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>They were all round the fire and Tom had stoked it up with pine
|
|
logs so that it burned bright enough to force them all to sit on
|
|
one side. Corky had used a long stick to get the soup on to the
|
|
heat and then he'd poured it out onto the tin plates. The bread was
|
|
hard and stale, but dipped in the thick broth, it tasted just fine.
|
|
Even Billy ate hungrily. Doug stayed at the far side, looking down
|
|
into his plate and eating steadily.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"We can explode them tomorrow," Danny ventured, trying to do
|
|
something to remove the pressure. If they could get back to where
|
|
they'd been in the morning, that would do fine with him. Nothing
|
|
was perfect. Billy was changing and Danny did not know that this
|
|
was a normal thing. Billy had hair on his balls and the beginning
|
|
of bum-fluff turning dark on his top lip and he was becoming
|
|
increasingly aggressive. He'd grown a head or more taller than
|
|
everybody except Doug who had always been lanky and thin, and he
|
|
was pretty powerful now, even if much of it was spare baggage.
|
|
Danny did not know how long it would be before Billy put out a real
|
|
challenge to Corky. He hoped that would not happen, though if Corky
|
|
was aware of it, he didn't show it and seemed not to be concerned.
|
|
It wasn't as if he'd put up a case for being the natural leader.
|
|
That was just the way of it. He had nothing to prove.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Yeah, we could maybe rig up a catapult up there on one of the
|
|
trees, just like the Vikings," Tom came in, speaking fast, as if he
|
|
too had the same notion.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"That was the Romans. The Vikings used a battering ram."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Was that Kirk Douglas?"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Who cares," Doug said from the edge. His head was still down.
|
|
Above them, the moon was just peering over the top of the hill, as
|
|
close to full as possible. It reflected on the burbling stream and
|
|
gave everything a magical limning that only Danny and Corky
|
|
noticed. The rest of them were wrapped up in their own thoughts.
|
|
"Who gives a damn? Eh? It was just a film. Just make up."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"It was a good movie," Tom said. "I liked it. Especially at the
|
|
end when him and Tony Curtis had the big fight."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"And remember them skipping along on the oars?" Danny came in.
|
|
"That was a hoot."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Doug sniffed and slung his plate down to the grass. "Want some
|
|
more?" Corky offered. Doug sniffed again and shook his head. Billy
|
|
sat on the other edge, half turned away. He was looking at the
|
|
ram's skull in the corner where the bush butted against the rock.
|
|
The moonlight and firelight combined to light it up, making it seem
|
|
to float ghostly in the dark, eye sockets staring out at them. The
|
|
flies were humming still.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"I wouldn't waste it on the likes of him," Billy said sneeringly
|
|
and Corky finally exploded.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Bloody hell," he spat and even Danny jumped. "Look at the pair
|
|
of you, would you? Just a couple of bloody morons, a couple of
|
|
selfish, bloody <em>bastards</em>."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Tom and Danny looked at each other. Corky was tough as old
|
|
boots, but despite his background he hardly ever swore. When he
|
|
did, it was a real serious matter. Danny recalled him saying that
|
|
to get on, you had to speak with a gobstopper in your mouth. Corky
|
|
made an effort not to sound like his crazy brother Phil who would
|
|
end up in Drumbain Prison for sure, or like Paddy Corcoran who was
|
|
pretty guttural at the best of times. When Corky said
|
|
<em>bastard</em> he was up and running, firing on all four.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He suddenly jumped to his feet and slammed his plate down on the
|
|
stone at the edge of the fire. The thick soup gouted out and
|
|
sizzled on the hot rock with a vicious cat-hiss. Everybody jerked
|
|
back. Billy spun round, startled and Doug twisted in alarm.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"You keep your mouth shut, just for once," Corky said, his
|
|
finger right up against Billy's face. Billy's mouth snapped closed.
|
|
"<em>And you</em>," Corky rounded on Doug. His back was to the fire
|
|
and they could all see the red in his face, made ruddier by the
|
|
heat and the reflection of the flames.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Don't you ever think?" he said, almost snarling, finger tapping
|
|
his temple for emphasis. Danny heard the catch in his voice.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Don't any of you ever think? <em>Jees</em>." He reached out
|
|
both hands and held them up, palms open almost in supplication, and
|
|
exasperation too. Danny put his plate down on the grass. Right at
|
|
that moment, the air in the valley seemed suddenly even more
|
|
charged than before. Corky took two steps forward, away from the
|
|
fire, up onto the small grassy lip and walked out beyond them all
|
|
before he turned. The flames danced on his face.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>When he started speaking, his voice could hardly be heard over
|
|
the cackle and hiss of the pinewood fire, but they never missed a
|
|
word.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Look at us," he said and in that moment he sounded achingly
|
|
desolate. "Just look at us."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"You'd think it was tough enough, but no. Somebody's got to go
|
|
and rip it all up and tear it all, and spoil it."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"But I didn't..." Billy spluttered. Corky turned his eyes on
|
|
him, blazing in the red flamelight and Billy shut up. Doug thought
|
|
better of whatever he was about to interject.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"It's not just you. Or Doug neither." Corky said.
|
|
"<em>Listen!</em>. This is the first time we've been out for
|
|
months. Really out. The whole summer, we've been stuck in, while
|
|
they all shit themselves. Sometimes I think I'm going to get bored
|
|
crazy. The whole summer! So we come up here for some fun and find
|
|
the village and it should be great. But what happens? We start
|
|
ripping it apart.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He held his hands up again. "This is all we've got. It's the
|
|
only adventure some of us are going to get, <em>ever</em>."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He turned to Billy. "You think you've got it bad? Maybe. Tough.
|
|
Same as me and Danny and Doug and Tom. We're all screwed. All of
|
|
us. We've got damn all, we've got nothin'. If we all chipped
|
|
together we couldn't buy a packet of smokes and Billy's the only
|
|
one without a patch on the arse of his pants.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"We're jiggered."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>They could hear the crack in his voice, ready to break. Corky's
|
|
chest hitched and the fire blazed in his eyes as if he was burning
|
|
up inside. He came walking slowly back towards the fire so they
|
|
were all turned to face him.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"We're all up the same creek, aren't we? So there's no need to
|
|
go picking each other off. That crazy shit's done enough of that
|
|
with Mole Hopkirk and Don Whalen and that wee kid. If we can't back
|
|
each other up, what the hell's the point?" He paused just enough
|
|
for a breath and ploughed on.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"So who's got it bad?" He turned quickly, swinging to face
|
|
Billy. "You Billy-O? Doug? Look at Tom. Shit, if I'd a wee sister
|
|
and she died, I'd be half crazy, that's for sure. I'd be pure
|
|
mental."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Tom flinched back as if stung. Corky had reached down into the
|
|
taboo, Tom's private thing, and touched it. It was as if he'd
|
|
scraped on raw flesh and Corky realised that immediately. He looked
|
|
over at Tom, and gave him a look of such compassion, such fierce
|
|
and honest sorrow, that Danny felt a dry lump swell hard his own
|
|
throat.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Sorry Tommy, just trying to say, okay?"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Tom had no words, not then, Corky turned away. "I know he must
|
|
be all screwed up about it, really ripped open. So us, we got to
|
|
give him a hand, give him back-up, because he's our pal, isn't he?
|
|
Our mate. So we got to back him up. Us."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He stopped and then added for emphasis: "<em>All</em> of
|
|
us."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Billy nodded guiltily, remembering how he'd chased Tom across
|
|
the bog.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"And you Billy. So what? Your engine's all seized because your
|
|
old man wasn't a great hero, or whatever he was who the hell knows?
|
|
I'm sorry. We're all sorry, even Doug with his big mouth, he's
|
|
sorry too. Sure youb are Doug?"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Doug looked up, opened his big mouth then thought better of it.
|
|
He did look sorry. He looked wretched, blinking shiny eyes.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"You'll get over it. Believe me, fathers aren't all they're
|
|
cracked up to be. We know that, don't we Dan? Look at me. My old
|
|
man's up for swiping the pigeon club money. I've got to live with
|
|
that, and so's my Ma. You can have a Da like mine if you really
|
|
want. When he gets out he'll knock me arse for tit. You got
|
|
worries? Shite on a bike, we've <em>all</em> got worries! Every one
|
|
of us."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Corky was up now, going hell for leather, unable to pull back on
|
|
the reins.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"You want to be like Tom, or me? How about Danny-boy? Jesus, he
|
|
can't even open his mouth in his own house. Prayers all the
|
|
time."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Danny cringed, feeling the other faces on him. He was suddenly
|
|
exposed.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"You ever think about what that's like? Jesus <em>bloody-</em>H.
|
|
Every time Dan farts they've got the priest round to him, that
|
|
creep Father Fingers. Dan hardly ever gets out and when he's in,
|
|
his old man's got him doing schoolwork all the time non-stop."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Corky's voice was tight with the pressure now and there was no
|
|
stopping him. "We're all jiggered. Okay Doug, it's rough on you,
|
|
but wee Terry's still your brother you've got nothing to be ashamed
|
|
of. You'll be away in Toronto. At least you're getting to go
|
|
someplace new where nobody knows you or where you're from. And Tom
|
|
going to Australia. That's a chance. That's a real big chance."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He paused once more, and his voice went quiet, as if he was
|
|
suddenly scared it would catch and stumble and throw him; as if he
|
|
had come galloping along the edge to where it fell in a long sheer
|
|
drop and he had to pull back hard.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"We won't get that chance, me and Dan and Billy, so we got to
|
|
stay here and get on with it. But that's just it." His hands were
|
|
right out in front of him, balled into fists. He looked as if he
|
|
wanted to punch. "It's bad enough as it is without giving ourselves
|
|
a bad time. So why should we be fighting over what we can't
|
|
help?"</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He paused and looked at them all, his eyes fixing each in
|
|
turn.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"But up here, we're away from it all, just for a couple of days.
|
|
It could be the last time. Probably is, and I don't want to
|
|
remember it because we all blew apart. That's going to happen
|
|
anyway, no matter what we do, so at least, just for now, we can
|
|
stick together. It's us against the flamin' world, know what I
|
|
mean? We're all in the shit."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He turned towards the fire, head down, shoulders shaking.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"After this summer, it's all going to break up. I want to
|
|
remember this time. We came up here for a last chance and we found
|
|
the Dummy Village and that's special. It's what I want to remember,
|
|
because we don't have enough good things to remember. None of
|
|
us."</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>He stopped talking and his shoulders slackened as if the tendons
|
|
had been cut. The four of them sat there in silence, looking at
|
|
Corky, stunned by the force of what he had said. He had touched
|
|
them all, right inside of them. He'd been aware of everything,
|
|
known all the dark secrets and until now he'd never said anything,
|
|
not a word.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Danny looked from Billy to Doug to Tom. They were all sitting
|
|
there on the short grass while the flames sent colour flickering on
|
|
their faces. All of them were looking at John Corcoran, if waiting
|
|
for him to say something else. None of them seemed capable of
|
|
speech.. He had stunned them all.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Corky's shoulders heaved and his head went down into his hands
|
|
and Danny felt a powerful ripple of shock. Corky was crying,
|
|
standing in front of them all and he was crying, and that was
|
|
something that had never happened before. He wanted to reach out
|
|
and touch him.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>Yet it was Tom Tannahill who stood up and walked forward, closer
|
|
to the fire.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>"Don't," he said. He reached up and put a hand on Corky's
|
|
shoulder. "Please Corky."</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
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</body>
|
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</html>
|