CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Barbara invited me in for a nightcap and Paddy insisted I come up
and wish her goodnight, waking up briefly but dopily for as long as
it took to get her bundled into her pyjamas, and then she smiled
and her eyelids drooped and she was fast asleep in the way that
only small children and drunks can do.
Down in the living room, Barbara see-sawed the cord on the
blinds and shut out the dusk. She poured me a Drambuie and made
herself a brandy with ice, and we sat down in the broad armchairs
on each side of the hearth. The liqueur sparked on the tip of my
tongue and blazed a hot trail down my throat.
We sat and sipped and spoke in soft voices about the fun of the
festival and other things, the conversation just rolling along nice
and easy. Barbara had liked all the old guys that I liked, and she did
a quick take—off of Donald’s interminable Gaelic, which was so like
him I had to laugh. She got me another Drambuie, filling the tiny
Edinburgh crystal glass, and shushing my half-hearted protest. It
was going down a treat. She had another brandy, swirling the spirit
around in a fine balloon glass, and dipping her head every now and
again to catch the fumes.
It must have been way past midnight when Paddy started crying
upstairs, breaking the mellow mood that we had fallen into. Apart
from the hassle with Billy Ruine and his mob of nut—cases, I had
had a ball, and when Paddy started up, yelling for her mother, I
had a fleeting unchristian thought which I suppressed a little
guiltily.
Barbara gave me an apologetic look and went upstairs. She
came down a minute or two later with Paddy in her arms, red-eyed,
but still half asleep. Barbara was patting her gently on the back the
way all mothers do, and Paddy’s arms were tight around her neck.
‘It’s all right honey,’ she said soothingly while her daughter
snuffled into her neck. ·
‘She’s been dreaming again,’ Barbara said to me. ‘But it’s all
gone now, baby,’ she said, in a different tone, to Paddy.
‘She’ll be all right in a minute or two. Must have had too much
excitement} Barbara sat down on the sofa, still patting her
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daughter between the shoulder-blades, and the girl’s panicky
snifiling began to fade down. In a few moments the night shakes
seemed to have left her. Barbara looked at me over her shoulder.
She was smiling a little.
In a few minutes, Paddy’s breathing settled down and she was
asleep on her mother’s shoulder. Barbara took her back upstairs
and when she came back she said: ‘She’s been waking up a lot these
nights. And so have I.’
‘Me too. Must be the heat,’ I said, and stood up, putting my glass
down on the stone mantelpiece.
‘I suppose I’d better shoot off. You’ve got an early start in the
morning. I’1l come up for Paddy about ten, and we’ll think of
something to keep us both amused.’
‘Thanks a million, Nick. It really is awfully good of you. Ifl get
this job I’ll have to get some sort of babysitting service full time.’
I shrugged and told her it was no trouble at all, and I meant it.
Having a day with a ten year old isn’t everybody’s idea of having a
good time, but hell, I still wasn’t beyond the stage of hankering to
go climb a tree or hook a trout out of the burn. It was just that there
weren’t too many people my age with the same hankering. There
are some things which most people have outgrown, and some of
these things I guess I’m stuck with. Anyway, I was looking forward
to it.
Barbara came to the door with me, and I slipped my arms
around her back and joined them together. She pulled herself close
and her arms snaked around my neck and she brought my head
down to hers and kissed me. It was not a friendly kiss. Not a sisterly
gesture. Above us, the moon was bright and silver, with that
shaved way that tells you it’s only a day or so away from a full
moon, and the light tingled the needles of the cypress trees that
lined the wide lawn. I returned the kiss with interest and she
pressed her body up against mine, lithe and taut and soft at the
same time. We held the moment, and each other, for quite a while
before we broke away gently. I held on to her shoulders and she
looked down at my feet (at least I hoped it was my feet because I
was sure that kiss had done some pretty evident things to my
hormones) and I nuzzled the top of her head.
‘Right, kid,’ I said eventually. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’
I took my hands off her shoulders, and she continued looking
down, and I went down the stone steps towards the jeep.
I had just reached the driver’s door and was fumbling in my
pocket for the keys when she called my name, quite softly, from
the shadow of the doorway. I had half turned to wave goodnight,
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and she came tripping a quick-step down the stair and pattered
across the pebbles. The moonlight outlined her body and blued the
edges of her hair like St Elmo’s fire and she came right into my
arms in a rush and kissed me. Hard.
Then she stopped and looked right up into my eyes.
‘Don’t go,’ she said, like an order. Like a demand.
Stupidly, I said: ‘Pardon?’
‘Don’t go tonight. Please Nicky, I don’t want you to go. Stay
with me, won’t you?’ She said it quickly, getting it all out in a rush
as if she might not be able to say the words if she spoke them
slowly.
I didn’t say anything at all. I just looked into her eyes, seeing the
green shift to blue, and sparkling with the little reflections of the
nearly full moon. I turned her around with one arm across her
shoulder and walked her back up the stairs. I shut the door behind
me and clicked the mortice lock over. We walked straight up the
stairs and into her room and she closed the door and came right
into my arms again.
The moonlight was a dim arc-lamp that shone a pillar of
fluorescence through the pane.
Barbara and I made love on the eiderdown. The tomboy had
become a stunning woman whose long legs entwined mine, and
whose breasts gleamed slick with the heat of our bodies in the
moonlight, and whose soft, rich voice moaned low and hungry in
the night and whose tears ran cool on my cheek.
We held each other for a long time and her tears evaporated, and
then we talked for an even longer time, before we slept. Both of us
knew, without saying anything, that something had changed,
clicked into place, and that we would have to do something about
it.
Barbara fell asleep before me and just as she began to fade out
she told me in a whisper that she thought she loved me. I felt a
surge of happiness welling up inside me.
I slept for a couple of hours, I think, for it was still dark when I
was whiplashed right out of sleep by another of those dreams. I was
sitting up straight before I knew where I was, before I realised I
had been dreaming. This was one clear as ice; no aftershock fade.
In my dream I saw a thing that swelled and pulsed, a thing that
changed as I watched, from a black shadow that shifted in and out
of walls and trees and smeared everything it touched with a dead
darkness.
In my dream I watched as it changed shape and stalked through
the town, spreading its black disease, ripping here with a claw,
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touching there, and burning with the pale white eyes that were so
dead they sucked out life. And as I watched, stuck in the mud and
unable to walk or talk, it changed and the wind took it high where it
became a flapping sheet, pale against the dark, that fluttered in the
wind and started to spiral down, and I saw a gaping beak open and
screech with a great cry that sounded like mad laughter and saw
that it wasn’t a sheet at all. It was a huge white bird that dived and
dived, and down there was Barbara who was running frantically
away from the winged horror and its great stabbing beak. I heard
the wind of its wings and tried to call to her, to move to protect her,
but no words would come out of my throat, and the wind became a
roar and I saw that the great beak was going to. . . no. . . no. . .
NO!
And I was awake, shattered into the world again, and gasping
for breath that wouldn’t come, and beside me Barbara was awake
and had her arms around me and was asking me what was the
matter.
‘Nothing,’ I said, ‘just a dream,’ and I could still see her running
in the distance and that huge thing streaking down towards her
with the screech of mania trailing in the wind.
‘Some dream,’ she said, and kissed me on the cheek, hugging
tight, the way she had with her daughter. ‘Come on, lie down.’
Numbly I did, and she soothed me in her arms, and gradually my
heart slowed down a bit and my breathing regulated itself down
from high gear to idle. After a bit, she started to kiss me again and I
felt myself responding, and then there was a great urgency. I
sheltered in her, driving away the picture that was freeze-framed in
behind my eyes, holding on tight enough almost to crush her ribs
into mine, and some time during it she grabbed my hair and
shouted my name loud.
Afterwards, it was me who fell asleep first, under the soothing
pressure of her fingers trailing my brow, and her whispered
murmurings on the threshold of my hearing. As I drifted down,
safe in her arms, I had a dim twinge of guilt that she should be
sleeping to prepare for her interview, and then the curtain closed
over the show and I did not dream again that night.
It was just going on nine, and the sun was high enough to make a
big square of light on the wall, when Barbara gently shook me
awake, ruffling my hair with her left hand. I opened my eyes
groggily and she was lying beside me, propped up on one elbow
and looking like a vision.
Everything came back to me and I smiled, a bit sheepishly.
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‘Morning,’ I said.
She chucked me under the chin. ‘Hiya.’ She smiled, and added:
‘Tiger.’ I smirked, I’m sure, with embarrassment.
‘Tigress,’ I countered. ‘What time is it?’
‘Too late for any more of that,’ she said.
‘Pity.’
‘Aw, come on. I haven’t got the energy or the time,’ she said
with a laugh. Then she came off her elbow and leaned over me,
trailing my chest lightly with her nipple, and sending ripples
through my skin. She puckered up and kissed me a smack on the
lips.
‘Thank you. Thanks for staying,’ she said.
‘No ma’am. Thank you.’
She gave me another kiss then rolled over and out of bed. I
watched her walk to where her robe lay on a chair. She picked it up
and with awide movement swung it on. For a brief and tantalising
moment I could see her outline through the line gauzy material.
She caught my look and grinned.
‘Voyeur,’ she said. ‘Come on, and bring your mind with you.’
‘I’ll leave that behind,’ I said. ‘I think it would just get in the
way.’
She laughed brightly and ordered me out of bed and said she was
going to check on Paddy and fix breakfast. For some reason, I
didn’t want her daughter to know I’d spent the night, so I got out of
bed quickly and fumbled around for my scattered clothes. It took
me a while to find my socks, but I located them under the dresser
and pulled them on and followed her downstairs. Barbara was
bustling in the kitchen and I sat down at the pine table. She’d put
out some orange juice which I downed in one gulp and she started
to make coffee. There was a plate of cereal on the table for Paddy.
I watched Barbara move about, and I had to say something but I
wasn’t sure what to say, or how to start. But she got in first.
‘You don’t have to say anything.’
I looked up, and she must have read the surprise.
‘It’s all right Nick. It was terrific. It was wonderful. But that
doesn’t mean you have to .... ’
‘You said you thought you loved me,’ I said, and she stopped in
mid fiow. She looked at me for a while, twisting a coffee cup
between her fingers.
‘Right. I know I said it, I can’t take it back. But you don’t have to
feel you’ve got anything holding you. I mean, I just let my mouth
run away from me.’
‘I hope not.’
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‘Morning,’ I said.
She chucked me under the chin. ‘Hiya.’ She smiled, and added:
‘Tiger.’ I smirked, I’m sure, with embarrassment.
‘Tigress,’ I countered. ‘What time is it?’
‘Too late for any more of that,’ she said.
‘Pity.’
‘Aw, come on. I haven’t got the energy or the time,’ she said
with a laugh. Then she came off her elbow and leaned over me,
trailing my chest lightly with her nipple, and sending ripples
through my skin. She puckered up and kissed me a smack on the
lips.
‘Thank you. Thanks for staying,’ she said.
‘No ma’am. Thank you.’
She gave me another kiss then rolled over and out of bed. I
watched her walk to where her robe lay on a chair. She picked it up
and with awide movement swung it on. For a brief and tantalising
moment I could see her outline through the line gauzy material.
She caught my look and grinned.
‘Voyeur,’ she said. ‘Come on, and bring your mind with you.’
‘I’ll leave that behind,’ I said. ‘I think it would just get in the
way.’
She laughed brightly and ordered me out of bed and said she was
going to check on Paddy and fix breakfast. For some reason, I
didn’t want her daughter to know I’d spent the night, so I got out of
bed quickly and fumbled around for my scattered clothes. It took
me a while to find my socks, but I located them under the dresser
and pulled them on and followed her downstairs. Barbara was
bustling in the kitchen and I sat down at the pine table. She’d put
out some orange juice which I downed in one gulp and she started
to make coffee. There was a plate of cereal on the table for Paddy.
I watched Barbara move about, and I had to say something but I
wasn’t sure what to say, or how to start. But she got in first.
‘You don’t have to say anything.’
I looked up, and she must have read the surprise.
‘It’s all right Nick. It was terrific. It was wonderful. But that
doesn’t mean you have to .... ’
‘You said you thought you loved me,’ I said, and she stopped in
mid fiow. She looked at me for a while, twisting a coffee cup
between her fingers.
‘Right. I know I said it, I can’t take it back. But you don’t have to
feel you’ve got anything holding you. I mean, I just let my mouth
run away from me.’
‘I hope not.’
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‘What I mean is. Oh, G0d,’ she said. ‘I don’t really know what I
mean.’
‘Well, I hope you mean that what you said was what you mean.’
‘It was. It is,’ she paused and I didn’t let her go on.
‘Well, that’s all right then. Because that’s what I mean too,’ I
said, and took her in my arms. She raised hers up around my neck
and clonked me good and proper with the coffee cup which was still
in her hand. She jumped back with a look of surprised shock on her
face. My head was ringing.
And then suddenly we were both falling about with laughter.
Maybe the mood was broken, but it broke the right way, and we
had to hold on to each other for a bit just to stop ourselves landing
on the floor. We were still grappling with each other and the gales
of laughter when Paddy came wandering into the kitchen and
asked us what was so funny.
‘Nothing hon,’ Barbara said, with difficulty.
‘Your mum hit me on the head with a coffee mug,’ I said
sneakily. ‘I don’t think she likes me.’
‘Well, I like you,’ she said, primly, flashing her mother a look of
disapproval. ‘What’re we going to do today? You’re early too.’
‘Yes, I thought we’d make a day of it, so I came as early as I
could.’
‘You’re still wearing the same clothes,’ she said. ‘Didn’t you get
to bed last night?’
I looked at Barbara and she had to turn away to the sink to
prevent Paddy seeing her next fit of the giggles.
‘Something like that,’ I said. From behind me I could hear
Barbara snorting in a bid to stifle her laughter.
Barbara went upstairs to get changed and Paddy and I sat in the
kitchen with our respective breakfasts. The radio was on in a
corner playing early morning wallpaper stuff and then the local
news and the weather. I wasn’t really listening, I suppose, lost in
my thoughts. Paddy munched her cereal diligently. The
weatherman said something about storms heading in over the
Atlantic, bringing rain to most parts later. I didn’t quite catch it,
but Paddy heard too.
‘It’s not going to rain, is it?’ she said, pulling a disgusted face.
I looked out of the window. The sun was working overtime.
‘Nah. Not today anyway, I don’t think}
‘That would be really rotten,’ Paddy said. ‘Can we go a picnic
then?’
‘OK, but I’ll take you somewhere you haven’t been yet.’
‘Where’s that?’
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‘I thought I’d show you some of the places me and your mum
used to play when we were kids.’
‘Really? I can’t imagine my mom being a kid,’ Paddy said. ‘What
was she like?’
‘Well, she could climb better than anybody, and she was good
with a slingshot and she could hit a rabbit with a rock.’
Paddy’s eyes opened wide. ‘My mom? My mom could hit a
rabbit with a rock?’
Her face was such a picture of disbelief that I had to laugh out
loud and that made her laugh too.
‘You’re kidding me, ain’tcha?’ she said, falling into her
American idiom. I realised then that I might have been just a bit
iconoclastic and that Barbara might disapprove of her image being
tampered with.
‘Yeah, I’m just kidding. But she was a lot like you. Same colour
of hair and same freckles. I reckon you’ll be a lot like her.’
‘Do you think so? Do you think I’ll be like her? I mean, she’s
awful pretty and all.’ -
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said, on surer ground now. ‘Even
prettier probably.’
‘Don’t know if I want to be pretty,’ Paddy said, thoughtfully.
‘But hey, I’d sure like to hit a rabbit with a rock.’
When Barbara came downstairs I was still grinning and she
asked both of us what was so funny. I turned around and there she
was standing by the door and looking like something from the front
cover of Vogue. She had put on a simple white suit and had shoes
and handbag to match, and frankly she looked perfect.
I gave her a low wolf whistle that Paddy tried unsuccessfully to
emulate, and Barbara shot me a look that conveyed pleasure and
incredulity and disapproval all in one.
‘Do you think I’ll pass muster?’
‘I’d say if they don’t hire you they’ll need their heads looked at. ’
‘Me too,’ Paddy chipped in. ‘You look lovely mummy.’
‘Well, thank you for that,’ Barbara said. ‘I take that as a vote of
conHdence.’
I wished Barbara the best of luck and she smiled. Then she told
both of us to take care of ourselves and not get up to any mischief,
and made us both cross our hearts. We did.
Out front, Barbara pecked us both, me on the cheek and Paddy
on the top of the head, thanked us for our good wishes and warned
us sternly to behave. She swung the estate car out of the gate and
was gone with two brief toots on the horn. If it was up to me I’d
have hired her on the spot.
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‘Right, now what?’ Paddy said.
‘First, down to my place, young lady, so I can get changed. Then
we’ll decide.’
We went in the jeep and Paddy was jumping and excited, a
condition that I was beginning to take as par for the course with
her. I let her ride shotgun, but insisted she get strapped in, and as
she leaned back to slot the belt into the mount she came close to
mei
Phooey. Boy, do you need a bath,’ she said, wrinkling her nose.
‘Less of your lip, young lady. I told you I didn’t get much sleep
last night.’
‘What’s lip?’ she asked innocently.
‘What you’ll have a fat one of, kid, if you don’t button it, and
pronto.’
That brought on another fit of the giggles. I was beginning to
enjoy myself already. Yesterday, apart from the scene with Billy
Ruine and his bunch of nutters, had been good. The best day I’d
had in ages. Last night was just incredible. Today promised to be
fun, pure and simple.
Paddy loved my place. She sat in the big rocker and swung back
and forth while I pottered about in the bathroom, trying to
convince the shower that lukewarm was not going to solve the
problem, but that was all I got, so I just used a lot of soap. I
changed into a pair of faded Levis and a light shirt and had a quick
shave before going down to attend to my guest. She didn’t say no to
a couple of bacon sandwiches and insisted, despite my disbelief,
that her mother allowed her to have coffee. I split the difference
and made up a cup of decaffeinated instant and she was none the
wiser.
While we were eating and swapping tales — me about being a kid
here, and she about being a kid over there — I flipped on the radio
and heard the weatherman on the other channel promising a big
change in the weather. As I’d driven down from the heights of
Upper Arden, I’d noticed some cloud piling high over the firth, but
there was hardly any breeze at all, so I thought we’d get a last day
of it. Over the roar of the low gears on the steep hill, there had
been a low rumble like distant thunder. I hoped the day would stay
fine, otherwise Paddy and I would be relegated to playing I—spy and
happy families, but it was still hot and bright.
I thought we might head along to Strowan’s Water and take the
forest path into the valley where our old gang used to be. I
reckoned I could spin a few tall tales about the old days, what I
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remembered of them anyway, that still wouldn’t spoil Paddy’s
image of her mother, and retain mine — both versions that is.
Paddy asked me where the bathroom was, and I gave her
directions and she thumped up the stairs.
She was on the second flight more than halfway up to the top,
when she stopped. I could hear the sudden cessation of her
footsteps on the treads.
‘Anything up kid?’ I shouted up. There was no reply. I took the
bottom ilight two at a time and cocked a head over the banister.
Paddy was standing at the sixth step, with her right foot poised for
the seventh. She was standing stockstill, one hand on the banister
and the other almost touching the wall. Then, quite deliberately,
she lifted her foot higher, and put it on the eighth step up, missing
out the previous one, the one that creaked like the crack of doom
in the middle of the night.
How the hell did she know about that, I wondered.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked, and Paddy turned on the top landing
and nodded. There was a strange look on her face, puzzled but not
afraid.
‘Yes, I’m OK,’ she said. ‘That step isn’t right, though.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It was going to creak at me. Step on a creak makes you weak.’
She went into the bathroom, leaving me with the puzzled
expression.
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